Pass the exam results day test – Parent’s edition

There are unlikely to be many school-based scenarios that will bring on a bigger case of the jitters than Exam Results days. Deputy Head of Pastoral Gavin English shares some handy tips for parents on how they can best support their children on the big day.  

It wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect a great deal of lip chewing and handwringing, a sleepless night or two, alarming outbursts and maybe even some tears...However it’s important as parents that you get all of this out the way in private and focus as much as possible on how you can support your likely infinitely more together child in what might also be a somewhat stressful time for them.  

I will open with the proviso that you know your child better than anyone. You will have the inside track on what makes them tick, the buttons to press and the ones to stay well away from. This is NOT a one size fits all situation. That said, they will need you.Stress can be useful - a catalyst and a great facilitator - but the challenge with exam days is that students will feel like they have nowhere to put it. After all, the exams are done, the results are in the envelope (or in the spreadsheet – how unromantic) and so that unspent, undirected stress can have them off kilter. So…what might you do once you’ve calmed your nerves, wiped away your tears and put on your best parent ‘game face?’  

Help them keep things in perspective… 

These exam results are quite important. There will be many things in life that are quite important, they have already negotiated quite a few. Sometimes these things don’t go as we hope, or we think they might, but they will end up in a good place – sometimes one they didn’t see coming.  

The crucial thing is, exam results don’t define them, make them the person they are, nor are they the sum of their education. They are just one measure of what they knew or remembered about a particular aspect of their school experience. Your child has a lot of life to live and fun to have and, whilst they may not see them yet, there are many and varied paths and routes to wherever it is they hope to end up. 

Be there for them … 

I don’t know who needs to hear this but just in case…of course your children know you love them, of course they know your love and affection for them isn’t index linked to their academic outcomes, but you should definitely tell them BEFORE they get their grades. You love them unconditionally, you loved them when they messed up their nappies, their rooms, your car, and if they mess up their exams – you’re there – you’ve got them. 

Plan that evening out to their favourite restaurant but you’re not celebrating their exam results (even if they are great). You’re celebrating them, the great people they are and, for Year 13s, surviving school! That’s worth at least a high five and a Nando’s. 

Help them ‘Own it’… 

A sense of control is crucial in managing stressful and challenging situations so it pays to plan. 

Plan something low key and fun for the night before – pizza, a film, whatever…maybe the cinema? (great for keeping them away from panic inducing messaging apps). 

On the day itself - are they going to school to collect their results, or will they look them up at home and then maybe go in armed with their outcomes?  

What time do they want to get to school for? If they’re really nervous but want the ‘envelope experience’ maybe get there earlier – when there tend be fewer other students about.  

Do they want you with them? It’s a good idea for them to take someone, although it may well be they are meeting friends.  

What are they doing after? Exam result days can be quite intense social situations and, as much as these can be great and really enjoyable, they aren’t necessarily conducive to clear thought and calm reflection. Maybe pop home to decompress before heading out, if that’s what they are planning. 

Be on the end of the phone or nearby if you’re not going in with them and are needed. 

Speaking of which… 

What if… 

Not an easy one this, but there’s no point burying our heads in the sand.  

If all your child has been thinking of over these summer months is studying near the sea or a particular course, in a particular town, with a particular group of mates nearby, then there’s obviously a fair bit riding on the contents of their envelope. However, things are not quite as binary as ‘In’ or ‘Out’ with any applications. Your school and, indeed, prospective university will have processes set up to support students for whom there is a bump in the road around their target grades.  

Make sure you and your child know who they need to speak with and what the process is to accessing support from the school. Have this ready for the day – you don’t want to be scrabbling about under pressure. 

In the case of university offers or sixth form college applications, it can be helpful to have the institution’s admissions phone number and your child’s course details to hand. Schools will be able to help with this, but anything you have to smooth the process out will help if you’re feeling the pressure a bit. 

If things still don’t work out there’s plan B, revisit plan A with some retakes or even plans CDE&F. The most important thing to have close to the front of your mind if all doesn’t go as planned, is that there are many ways forward. 

Make it about them… 

Encourage your child not to compare their results or outcomes with others. Nothing takes the shine off a hard-earned A than thinking everyone got one.  

Students get a terribly distorted view of how they measure up with their peers from social media, and exam outcomes are no different. Promote pride in their own achievements and they will care less about the outcomes of the child who told everyone they’d done no revision, messed up every exam but somehow emerged with a full house of A and A* results (there’s always one!). If their exams haven’t gone as well as they might, then keep them away from the phone, if possible, while you do some restorative chat and help them regroup and look forwards. 

Onwards… 

Once the dust has settled a bit, whether their outcomes were better, as, or worse than they had hoped, it’s time to talk and get excited about the future.  

Your child’s outcomes might throw up all sorts of options and routes forward, how do they feel about the choices they have made now they have their results in hand? 

They may choose or need to retake some exams, which can be tough, but what are they going to do around that? What a great opportunity to get out there and do something completely different alongside their studies. 

These should be exciting conversations but there’s no need to rush into any decisions. Most importantly, both you and your child should be incredibly proud of what they have achieved through these quite extraordinary recent times.  

Well Done!